I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
