If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
More tranny stories later!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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