She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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