That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
