Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
