I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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