Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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