I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
