ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
