Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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