I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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