Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
