he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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