I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
