She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
