Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
