okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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