wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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