just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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