Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
