in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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