Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Less talking, more tequila
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
