Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
