nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
