So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
