It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
