Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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