I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
