so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
