Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
