Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
