i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
