i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
