I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
