and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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