I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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