Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
