I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
