three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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