I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
