Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
