Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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