i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
