I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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