he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
