it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
