I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
