Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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