Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
