Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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