That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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