I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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