when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
