I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
