I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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