This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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